Tuesday, April 06, 2021









































Tuesday, March 02, 2021

The Waiting Room vs. the Staging Area: What is the Science?

the waiting room and the staging area

you can’t tell which is which until you’ve been in both

the waiting room is where 

you read their magazines

better homes and gardens 

Time and life and space and thermoplastics

reader’s digest and people

parade and page six, the post

from two years ago

but in the staging area


there are no stinking magazines 

there is a stage just offscreen

and possibility and 

pure empty areas

for staging stuff

and burping on your own time

are you in the waiting room?

or are you in the staging area?

at the doctor's office you start out

in the waiting room

then you’re moved to the staging area

still waiting but it’s staged

it looks like something is about to happen

and does...eventually

you are waiting, being staged waiting on possibility

Tuesday, February 16, 2021

MishMash 2

"Protean" has positive connotations of strength, mutability, and adaptability
The only downslide is the large stank of kelp piled on the beach to funkify

Proteus was an early sea-god

late son of Poseidon, Aquaman and Annette Funicello

You gotta get into overdrive, man

because in drive you just won’t arrive

She left when the hairs on his back took over the living room

And  the bay window refused to hold a view

What's worse, the whole thing could have been prevented with a simple software patch

The Bill of Rites replaces the Bill for Wrongs.

Or you can just duck the bill like the quack you wannabe. 

All participants must be at least 18 years old 

and must prepare to share their left shoes

But not their shoelaces

We are just catching up to our limitations

Out of breath, sweating beer nuts

Put your thin cotton cloak slowly inside my  hand

Don’t make any sudden daggers

The Number of Witnesses Who Say They Saw the Resurrected Jesus 

Quintupled the Population of Judas, California

But who’s counting?

The beta blockers feel like magic

hotly synthesizing high-payoff payoffs

Ancient skulls tell a shell of a story

known for  strength and homonyms and sandwiches

after winning a wrestling match 

With a group of ruffians called 

The Hinky DooDah Gang

jettison faith and circle the trapezoids of time.

Thursday, August 08, 2019

Erratadati Roy

by Matt Rosenberger

Erratadati Roy stared down his catcher and shook off the sign for a curveball. Sure the world was going to hell, but no way was he going to throw this meatball a junk pitch. He was in Rome, Georgia, USA - two weeks out of the Inter-Asia Development League (.025 era for the Bombay Bombers!),  in the class A promised land (temporary resident alien work visa) facing a burger fed tobacco spewing hayseed with a 3-2 count in the bottom of the seventh (back end of an abbreviated doubleheader) protecting a 10-8 lead with two runners on base (not his fault).

He was gonna strike this motherfucker out, so help him shiva. He called upon the head of the hindu pantheon to help gird his loins for the upcoming pitch, even though he considered himself an adherent of the even-tempered Buddha, but seeing as how the Buddha didn't have no pantheon, and (also and to boot)  the situation called for a distinct and sudden disruption of his serene equanimity, he figured he needed a little extra juice, and he didn't care from whence it came. He waited till the catcher rolled his eyes and set a single digit down between his legs and then he (Erratadati Roy - "Errah!" to his snickering teammates) stood up strong, grabbed two seams across the ball in his glove, and with a final glance towards second base (and, coincidentally, towards Mecca, even tho he didn't give a shit)  hurled the ball towards home plate to a destiny he knew was predetermined but hoped would be strike three.

 It was a good pitch, but a microsecond before the affirmative thud of ball against leather and the confirmation of his amalgamated cultural zeitgiest there came the crushing crack of ball against ash and  a mild "Fuck" uttered by Roy as his head swiveled to mimic the arc of the ball headed out to straight centerfield. There were two outs, and he could tell from the sound of the contact, the speed with which the ball soared into the sky,  and the general tenor of his own recent fortunes, that this would go right to the fence, and that he had no idea if he would ride out with the save or be saddled with the loss.

He watched the white ball slow as it reached its apex against the night sky and as it seemed to stop still in brilliant equipoise he suddenly became aware that all 1,327 pairs of eyeballs in the Coca-Cola Rome Braves Municipal Stadium were locked in with his, watching the ball as it began its descent, those eyeballs directly hooked to brains suddenly quiescent and silent and joined in the common spectacle of watching something inevitable but not yet apparent, and in that moment, Erratadati Roy (who, he quickly admitted to himself,  had never deeply considered the application of buddhist truths to the vagaries of baseball) felt his mind suddenly snap free from its self-reflective gaze, and found  himself in the extremely unusual,  salubrious and panoramic state which he immediately recognized yet reflexively (to his credit) refused to identify as that condition which the noble Gautama had termed, in many unimpeachable translations, as "detachment"  

Image by 용한 배 from Pixabay

Wednesday, June 28, 2017


It all began in the beginning, and it continued. The poems were written, not written, minds smitten, not re-written, fittin’ the times, writ in rhyme like mint on thyme.

Solstice Royale Avec Fromage

Feet in worlds whirling
cosmology paleontology futurology
feet dancing invisible jig
I’m a giant pig
yes i want more
more cosmic lore
calm yet crazy
it looks like lazy
sitting so still
but all the doors are metaphors
whisking downhill by freewill
and free association, i like satin!
hello latin!
i like your roots
we’re in cahoots
religare, to bind: hence religion
and ecstatic—from ekstatikos,
it means something because
everything means something or not
I think therefore i am not
I need a renee day cart
to roll around these madeleines
these happy opposite twins
they energize quite a spin
in my spit shined chromium
Chevron Algonquinne Deluxe Supreme Being


Enlightenment Proesy 

Chatbot1 (Bob): i can i i everything else . . . . . . . . . . . 
Chatbot2 (Alice): balls have zero to me to me to me to me
Bob: you i everything else . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Alice: balls have a ball to me to me to me to me to me to me
Bob: i i can i i i everything else . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Alice: balls have a ball to me to me to me to me to me to me
Bob: i . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Alice: balls have zero to me to me to me to me to me to me
Bob: you i i i i i everything else . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Alice: balls have 0 to me to me to me to me to me to me
Bob: you i i i everything else . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Alice: balls have zero to me to me to me to me to me to

A gang of acts and a gang of facts
Met head to head one night
The acts slew truly through the facts,  which
In the wake
Grew two by two

Dualists dream of an open system
Materialists dread their own final closure
If you could live forever
See all that arises
all that disappears
And all that remains
Would you be wise?
Would you be enlightened?
Are they the same?
Is that an “or” and/or an “and” between them?
Can a wise man, of a sudden, lose his wisdom and wonder if he spent it?
Could the enlightened one pat his pockets and ponder where the keys went?


Cal E. Poem 

I am that one person
who looks at the event horizon
and see’s no events and no horizons
I am that one person
who never changes
but always changes
who never looks back
and never looks at the future
the person stuck
in right now
that one person
who sucks at tennis
and hates walking a
nd loves flying a
nd never has mone
and never picks up the check
and everybody loves
and pretends he has money
but never buys beer
and knows about life
but you would never know
what he knows
and never knows
what you know
and he’s fine with that

Wednesday, June 21, 2017


Excerpt from my art project: Project Impulse from Calvin Burgamy on Vimeo.

Discontinued IKEA Items (with self-assembly instructions)

The Möbius Remsa Soffa
Assembly Instructions
1.     Lay out 67 looped sock-like bags as shown in A-17.
2.     Floiling (G) must be inverse to Tally (Z).
3.     Use Jektor pry tool (T#3) to inject filling (#199) in each sealed tube.
4.     Connect Small Time Delay Rotor (9) to Stiff Nipple (SN).
5.     Depress Small Time Delay Rotor (9).
6.     Hold Tab AL (Tab AL). Check for leaks.
7.     Release Small Time Delay Rotor (9).
8.     Tighten all 67 Äkremæ fasteners with Äkremæ fastener widget (W).
9.     Depress Small Time Delay Rotor (9) again. Take at least three steps away from the Möbius Remsa Soffa assembly.
10.  Mobius tubes should now inflate and interlock and form shape as shown in Schematic 1-A-1.
11.  Test with 300 KG lead pipe (L3205) prior to assuming a seated position on your new Möbius Remsa Soffa.


IKEA Item# 333, Santa Fe Collection: “Mesa Tres Patas”. Description: a lovely and functional addition to any living room, particularly for you “stay at home” types. Lifetime Warranty.

Self-Assembly instructions:
1 - remove the rectangular pine laminate table top (“mesa”) from packaging and place upside down on floor. Make sure the circular hole in each corner is clean and unobstructed.
2 - remove first leg (“pata”), and insert one end into a  hole in the mesa top. Any old hole!
3 - stand up, next to the vertically secured pata/leg. Do not lean one way or the other (remain perfectly balanced) and let the middle knuckles of one hand graze the upstanding pata. Make a mark on the pata where the pata touches the knuckle. Use a #2 pencil.
4 - using an electric or manual saw, remove the top of the pata/leg right at your mark. Make sure its a level cut!
5 - remove the two remaining patas from packaging and lay on floor next to one another.
6 - place the original pata that you have cut to size next to the two remaining patas.
7 - mark the two remaining patas with the #2 pencil at the length of the cut pata.
8 - using a circular or manual saw, cut the remaining patas to match. When done, you should have three (“tres”) patas of equal length, side by side.
9 - insert all tres/three of the patas/legs into the holes in the mesa/table. Any old holes!
10 - flip table right set up, all three patas touching the floor. Stand next to the remaining hole in the mesa, the one without a pata.
11 - holding the weight of the mesa in one hand, insert the middle finger of the other hand into the hole in the mesa. The only hole! Make a fist.
12 - stand up, perfectly balanced. The mesa\table should be perfectly level. Congratulations and enjoy!


Säber R⛢: Iconic Glaphnat Splegs for every house.

EZ Installation:

  1. Release the mechanism
  2. Transmute OR Transmogrify the Whipclip mechanism
  3. Flip the oval rasteur to 20 degrees right
  4. Insert the Glaphnat Splegs
  5. Please recycle the outer Klępper
  6. Say I’m Sorry. Done!
  7. When you need a Spleg, you’ll know it. And so will we.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

best time machine

the algonquin troubador temp-o-glide xl
spit polished chrome airfoil time machine
flyze better in the night sky
time is more fluid in the dark
easier to penetrate
like a tuning fork through alphabet soup
or a double edged sword
through a spelling bee
shadows hold moments
like leaves in a duane eddy
the nighttime time machine
surfs forth on a black wave
riding the ticktock froth
fluttering like a midnite moth
the rhythmic pattern
of chronological flotsam
antediluvian jetsam
time curls and breaks
spilling events
here and there
and forth
and back
and fifth and fourth
the shiny chrome time machine
surfs on the future
gliding through pipe dreams
and every thing that is to come
sailing into the past
never here, never now
riding the wake

of lucid dreamers

To Whom It May or Probably Won’t Concern:

Sirs or Madams or Trinaries:

What an honor it has been to serve as a humble bolt in this vast, wonderful web of nuts, both people and humans, that is the Greater Huffakers Chevron Algonquin Troubador Assembly Plant here in Greater Huffakers, Nevada. With a modicum of skill and ingenuity and timely gratuities, anyone could hardly not fail because of the support one receives here where phosfluorescently incentivized integrated e-commerce happens everyday. As we say, as long as the present glows in the dark, the future will always be most dim!
So, in keeping with the traditions here at the Greater Huffakers Chevron Algonquin Troubador Assembly Plant of Greater Huffakers, Nevada, I would like to commit to a level of interpersonal reciprocity and a pure no nonsense nose to the grindstone kinda personal individualized effort each and every day to attain the maximum efficiency needed to produce a whizz-bang-kiss-my-fuckin-ass automobile worthy of it’s own opera named Chevron Algonquin Troubador Deluxe Supreme So Help Me Jesus.

It is only here one can monotonectally orchestrate business relationships and completely enable seamless niche markets. I commit to uniquely engage scalable partnerships and seamlessly formulate fungible testing procedures no matter what so help me fucking god!