This page contains a bag load of old Words of the Week 
from the indomitable spirit of word smithery: Jon Marcus

Styloon: Upset because women spend so much on clothes and you just want to see them naked, plus you could use the money.

Birfrite: The problem of having parents.

Flossofy: When the only thing you believe in is oral hygeiene.

Decreamate: Threatening strangers that you're gonna cut em outa your will.

Dainjel: A patron satan.

Noquant: Measuring stuff that can't be measured, like cheeses and haiku.

Dollnar: Making up new words instead of making money.

Splouzy: When you think bigamy means big of me.

Hopera: Practically screaming while jumping all over the place.

Odition: When you're really good at adding a zero.

Unibonkle: Forgetting how to ride a bicycle while riding a bicycle.

Condenst: When you're taken aback and affronted.

Sloor: A one way street that goes the wrong way.

Prettiot: When your face looks better than your ideas.

Klammittee: The worst thing that ever happened since the last worst thing that ever happened.

Journouveau: A newspaper where you just make stuff up.

Felicimeat: A happy song about cannibalism.

Pigadillo: Eating when nobody’s looking. 

Jambled: When traffic calming makes you nervous.

Cobblement: Wondering why you bought those shoes.

Endophasm: The part of the thing where you’re excited the thing might be almost over.

Diglion: The sub-atomic particle that makes the universe fall in love with itself.

Cartogemy: When your sense of direction insists the map is wrong. 

Shulquess: Asking for suggestions but hoping there aren’t any. 

Commerical: When a business turns into a joke.

Domicidal: Living in a place you hate.

Fleech: A neighbor who drops by whenever you have visitors.

Infantreed: When everyone on your family tree is a baby. 

Snoyty: When you use summer as a verb.

Blahdroyd: When your favorite color is beige.

Packhead: Going to a big box store to buy small boxes.

Somnesianity: Praying god will make everyone really sleepy. 

Villionaire: The rich bad person we all want to be.

Doon: When your comprehension of the day peaks at lunch.

Dunderbreast: Nursing a bad idea. 

Slutisfaction: Taking sexual gratification by upsetting the religious right.

Ziptrap: Getting caught with your pants up.

BenDover: Crack plumber.

Grapp: A sand trap without a golf course.

Prodigastrophe: Squandering your largest horrible personal tragedy on your first book.

Gospliesta: A good Christian nap. 

Frustrollaration: Waiting in line to give money to a bureaucrat suspended in amber. 

Fliposis: Stuck changing.

Neurwall: A mental speedbump.

Pothole: A hole in your pot.   Badda bing badda boom!

Solyarch: King of a domain inhabitable only by The King. 
Spexitting: To appear missing while present.
Arcquasm: A bridge over troubled waters under which a lot of shit has passed.
Glunor: Eating when you're not hungry because you said you would and you're a man of your word. 

Paddlewalky: 1.) A paddle without a canoe. 2.) A canoe without a paddle.

Blottaumobile: The ashes of an urban luxury car found in the wilderness, in the very same spot where the whole car itself was last seen.

hehheh: Nervous laughter at the doomsayers. 

Gruud: When you don't give a rat's ass about shit. Gruuder: When 
you don't give a shit about a rat's ass.

Kyoooniverse: Everything, everywhere that kyoos to you.

Bloatwear: [1.] Clothing that makes you look wider, really  really wider than you really are. [2.] Any Microsoft product.

Smoad: A word that should be a word but actually isn't. Yet. Like this one.

Muscudonk: Strong as a mule burrito.

Idioplunjous: Stupid, but deep, like still waters.

Equodd: The same, yet slightly unsettling and a little heavier.

Sagattable: Not knowing what you said, but remembering how high-quality-high-octane cognition it was.

Gruck: A funky, guttural exclamation when gravity ups and makes a physically powerful move on your ass.

Targette: A corporate logo that appears on your forehead.

Miserablum Impacto: That gratifying feeling of self-loathing that comes on just after "doing the right thing".

Pootography: Sitting in the bathroom taking pictures of yourself looking at pictures of bathrooms.

Diemually: Once a day per year or less, whenever you feel it.

Flameboyant: Lighter than a fire department hovering over a lake, any lake.

Bloodernfuule: Fun in a horrible, twisted and illegal eastern Germanic vein.

Africot: Napping on the Dark Continent between midnight and Thursday.

Steef:  A horrible icky bluey gelatinous substance used in a beefy jerky assembly factory.

Foumblaire: The found part of a larger missing thing.

Jihog: Jello mold of a mature yet fanatic pot-bellied pig. 

Sequidiculty: The extreme difficulty of using lists in alphabetical "order".

Oenifice: Sucking wine off the lips of a fuzzy woodchuck. 

Goofenoffen:  Yah, lpdblh, lassq, lasoidxj bbb-bbbbbbb-bbbbb.
Blurrggado: A lot blurrier than your average blur. Truly blurry. Fuzzy.

Traudiovox: The sound of your third ear pontificating.

Sandola: Evaporated dirt or dehydrated water.

Inporntune: When the star of the drunk-in-the-portolet video is you.

Balloob: Bigger than a voluptuous mammary gland but quite interesting nevertheless.

Blipdy: The eighth day of the week in the 2nd Autumnal Tri-Mester. 

Assination: The art of quitting while you're still behind. 

Wenis:  A disturbingly small and ineffectual sense of community.

Minney:  Ridiculously less then you were unreasonably expecting.

Wrylty:  Dry wit by the what-the-hectare².

Phila-sofaist: One who waxes philosophical while sitting 
on his ass surrounded by comfy cushions with a cold beverage 
within arm's reach.

Polymnesia: That remote, unmapped area west of your inner Equator
that everyone forgot about but can still smell it.

Skishtless: When you're home alone and fall face down like a 
drunk rhino on the den area rug?????? (Send us your thoughts.)

PowlPot: A  big fat iron plated pot which mercilessly  
boils any smart ass chicken with a PhD.

A.B.S:  Ational Buhbreviation Sosociation.

Beesiness: Global swarming.

Forgostampy:  Mailing a letter without proper postage. 
You know the sumbitch is coming back.

Puksic: The contents of any CD for which you paid retail 
for and hate the moment you hear track uno.

Kracht:  When your goddam computer won't do what it did 
five microfreakingseconds ago. 

Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
You ain't nothing but a ball-peen hammer.
Thanks to José Escarpemiento.

Yam 4, 17

Listrink: Spending all day on the corner drinking Listerine because you just have to.

Bowts: Knee-high tri-colored bowling shoes with 450 yards of laces.

Complexual: So simple it's beyond comprehension. 2) In excess of fifty-three kilopascals of miscomprehension.

Obortuarie: Removal of the photograph of the deceased from the newspaper. 

Sityouation: Desperately wishing it would boil down to a "I'm me, you're you" sort of thing but it instead
it's  stuck on a "I'm me, you're me" thingy. 

Sicklickal: Adopting recommended behavior modification techniques from respectable medical journals 
which surprisingly turns out to be the opposite of what's really good for you.

Prexuech: To pre-eschew a cashew before you actually eschewingly chew the aforementioned cashew.

"Yo"Semite: Hearty-Har-Hardy male-oriented greeting between Middle Eastern Escárpmônteurs. 

Dirtray: The imaging technique by which worms find themselves.

Free Gratis "Policy" for the Weak:
Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't French Kiss

Shudnadun Fourscore, '01

Bantasy: When the bird watchers' "hoitee toitee" tour guide repeatedly points out exotic birds no one else can see. 

Opposash: Running and screaming  away from yourself as fast as you can on two legs.

Fugyotic: A Funky state of being acutely annoyed by people with a cheerful, helpful attitude 
and who are always really, really glad to see you and believe in what you stand for unless it's really fucked up.

Telecliktic: Unable to stop watching the late local news even though you hate every minute of it except the murders. 

Norwoodish: A Thinnish Danish Finnish.

Cogdat: A dog that thinks it's a cat.  Or a cat that "thinks" it's a dog. Or vice versa. 

Malaisonnaise: Spreading your bad feeling around like goo. 

Riggoriss: Refusal to modify beliefs no matter the metric tonnage of evidence to the au contraire, you freaking idiot.

Roxflauvium: A dry waterfall.

Evapology: When you know whether or not any given song was done by Air Supply.

Drizzualism: Obsessive infinitesimal adjustments of the intermittent windshield wipe dial, the speed of which never coincides with rainfall density. 

Fenestrauma: When the spritely window of opportunity slams shut on your fingers. 

Banguish: Suffering from the entropic echoes of The Big Bang. 

Reelity: A reely wonderful film about mortgages, with lots of montages. 

Chaodexology: the study of how when you're not sure how your house got like this.

Broad-thighded: Unable to avoid being tackled by a barn animal.

Fruivity: Effortlessly dropping your banana. 

Transhardent:  As clear as a broken window.

Psychobite: That subtle emotional dynamic in which you and your local computer retailer cultivate mutual loathing. 

Vitchuly:  A profound, life-changing search of one's innermost soul that doesn't last as long as you thought it should have. 
Especially while doing the laundry in an iffy part of San Quentin. 

Qraquered:  When you're toasted without ever having been bred. 

Organal:  An intense and Technicolored dreamscape wherein you see yourself as an organ donor even though you can't read sheet music.

Moronanon:  A total lack of attention in dealing with your lack 
of interest in stuff.

Skutt: Creepy sticky stuff on the bottom of your mind. 

Sexspeariment: Noble, if somewhat auto-erotic, attempts to physically expand your love of the minty herbs. 

Hoaxst: A guy who invites you over to a house he doesn't own. 

Fetonaysian: A person on a strict diet of feta cheese and mayonnaise. 

Esprit de Corpse: The bonhomie of the dead, such as it was. 

Nouveau Ruination: Driving through suburbia and noticing the way the architecture blends in with your dashboard.

Pellowmellow: When you'd rather be watching the grass grow, esp. if it's marijuana.

Ultralexic: A monetary disorder in which you confuse dollars for dimes. Not a frugal disorder.

Berillyucks: The process of laughing at something that's better than aluminum.

Rhinofocation: Trading up your nose for a larger unit.

Rekologue: Getting into it with your tape recorder during the morning commute.

Illeration: Negative synergy, as in: let's help each other get worse, ok darlin?

Notrayphobia: Fear of returning your tray table to its upright and locked position. 

Youranation: Yearning to use a public restroom which, after twenty minutes, you finally figure out is empty. Esp. while everybody is looking.

Exwowsted: Too tired to yawn.

Grootch: An army small enough so you get know all the guys a lot better than you ever ever wanted to. 

Consequonishment: Utter shock that things went according to plan. 

Imbizzible: The air as seen from the air.

Oennual: A unit of time equal to some glasses of wine ago.

Hyption: Advising people to do what you don't. 

Flexogative: When the answer is yes while you're quite flexible on the question. 

Dreality: A dream to which you awaken. 

Klabberate: To make some worthless bonehead agree to your bonehead idea.. After which you are klabbergasted, i.e., you are a bonehead. 

Free Gratis Thought for the Week:

There are certain undiminishing tendencies which, if they continue to fail to become manifest, will likely require certain indirectly implied remediations insofar as this "body" is likely to do anything about anything even if it could or so much as gave a good goddam. 
-- Galan Reenspan 

Canoodle 1, '01

Underpenance: Altered respiration induced by the guilt associated with your significant other's removal of his or her or its last piece of soft under-clothing.

Buttistan: A small theocracy in Central Asia that worships cigarillos, which were made from yak anuses and such, of course, but had that certain "hipness" that enabled those who smoked them to appear "cool".

Precrastination: Planning ahead to put everything off till it's ahead of its time. 

Skaxur: A stinky sticky skanky thing that plumbers charge extra to touch. Also, when you really KNOW you're right.

Negacognation: The refusal to write down what you're thinking in the hope you won't remember it. (Don't we all know that sinking feeling.)

Pyrexuality: That whacky state of consciousness in which all you think about is your past life as a lesbian. 

Bolognium: Meat left over from the last millennium. Highly radioactive bullshit. Good with mustard, white bread. 

Necrobugulation: The process of counting the dead bugolitos inside your mind. 

Indermmystic: (1.) The inability to discern whether or not the person in bed with you is wearing socks. (2.) Lack of interest in same. (3) The "middle layer" of irony or the soft underbelly of sardonicism.

Chitash: That which could not ever ever possibly nor under any circumstances be funny.

ooooooFree gratis thought for the week: The fact that it speaks for itself goes without saying.
oooooo--- muchas gracias to Perry Winkle, Squim, Chile 

Primuary 0003, 02001

Some fine old words, exhumed from the linguistic graveyard by our favorite Legendary Dangerous Lexicographer Dr. Ben Harubin.

Snoutband. Noun. 14th C. (1.) The iron surrounding the sole of a shoe. (2.) A person who rudely interrupts conversation. 

Condiddle. Verb, 18th C. To steal, to make away with. Ninnywatch. Noun. A vain hope; a silly or foolish expectation.

Quacksalver. Noun. 17th C. A charlatan, a seller of phone medicines. 

Clyte. Verb. (1.) To lose one's train of thought in the middle of an oration and suddenly sit down. (2.) Of birds of prey; to swoop down from the sky and pounce upon a smaller bird. 

Interestingly, one of our retractably fanged reporters overheard the following at The Waffle House on New Year's Day: 
"The quacksalver polished his snoutband and clung to his ninnywatch but suddenly clyted and returned to his condiddling."

Editors: Must have been quite a waffle, the kind you might condiddle for your inner quacksalver.

Free gratis thought for the week: 
She respects me for my soulium, but she loves me for my helium. 

---- Thanks to Stella Artois and Bud Mickel Weiser 

Phlatzdember 100, 2000

Palitosis: Having a friend who stinks real good. 

Mirdick: A troubled rocket scientist detective. 

Buyosphere: The environment of a mall rat, which magically inflates the week after Xmas.

Yieldomania : The intentional flagrant failure to resist certain powerful urges. 

Flummit: A mountaintop as it appears from above. Or, the acme of confusion. 

Venus Envy: No definition recommended on counsel from our local deity. 

Borophobia: Fear of being normal. 

Ashhole: An annoying jerk who smokes cigars. 

Verbagond: Person who must go out of town to think of a new word. 

Free gratis thought for the week: We live in a free country but it sure is expensive. 
Ahmpitz 36, 2000

Lotzchonavine: a scratch on the forehead that has scabbed over and is so visible it may as well be a neon sign and is generally mistaken for a cult signature, a la Charles Manson or the Republican Party. In a sentence: "Wow. Your lotzchonavine is shaped like Trent Lott with a cowlick. No, actually the lotzchonavine looks more like Satan....... without a hat. Neat."

Eetzabuoy 6, 2000

Subgacious: Being stupider than you will ever know. Also, sharing a kind of really stultifying, useless, obnoxious wisdom, esp. with those who obviously aren't as interested as they could be. 

Irrefferrent: Not really caring whether or not you have a genuine letter of reference. Footnotes that lead nowhere. 

Scrule: The tendency to, as a rule, get screwed. 

Ghalteux: (Editors' Note: We have a wrinkled lexicographer at the University of Rhinoplattsburg in a small out of the way basement office working overtime on this one, since we can't quite determine what it means. He's not the greatest lexicographer you'll ever want to meet but he means well. So if you have any brassy little theories on "Ghalteux," please let us know before end of the goddam millennium. The winner gets a really interesting throw pillow.)

Droil: 1.) Dry oil. (Rare. Obsolete. Ridiculous.) 2.) Southeast U.S. vernacular : that which drips from the undercarriage of an old pickup, just slightly more viscous than that which drips from the underjaw of an old St. Bernard. 

Trigomometree: The process of calling mom from an exotic and spectacularly remote rain forest before she figures out you're not where she thinks you are. 

Francopulsive: The unfortunate tendency to make French kissing like totally disgusting.

Affluinch: As, of or pertaining to the ongoing search for a really top-drawer, high-quality, elegantly designed, beautifully staffed K-Mart-type-store. 

Free Gratis Hyper Thought for the Week: We can't change the past, but we sure can fuck it up. ----- - - Special Thanks to Rita Book, Shinny Eye Moor, U.K. 
Quemayan 55, 2000

Panhologem: the modality of your paradigm. 

Nixax: someone who changes his mind after confessing to murder. 

Parallographies: psychic readings derived from bar codes. 

Zephyrvescent: being a little upwind of yourself. 

Yelevate: to scream while being uplifted.

Femual: the ability to remove the bra quicker than she could of. 

Nocturgation: Having the ability to plan (at about noon) to intentionally dream about a highway that shifts between Rt. 66 and A1A (later that night). 

Prenthesex : >)Reverse parentheses.(
Xylcembarary 49, 2000

Ruggaine: (A process.) Gaining a rug, esp. for a head. (2.) A decorative and/or wooly shag carpet esp. for walking on a head. 3) A hairsplitting pain in your toupee.

Centrifigosis: A neurosis in which the patient suffers over the disparity between the flight rotational momentum or roxo-spinnage pattern of phonograph records vs. compact discs when used as Frisbees. 

Kankafister: A Kangaroo who sits on his Kan Kicking KafKa (in the original CheK).

Wallabeen: A Beaver who aspires to Wallyosity but missed his cleaver opportunity and ends up like a lumpy wall. 

Cellacramonist: A person who finds it difficult to hum a ditty wah ditty while Barbra Streisand belts it out in the adjacent cell. 

Liquigent: Having the ability to learn slurpology. 

Slurpology: The study of the absolute similarity between ideas, beer and mohair.

Phallogian : A straight woman who would be gay if she were Elton John or Allen Ginsberg or John Wayne or J. ("I got mine don't worry bout yours") Edgar or The Viilage EveryPeople or Nancy Raygun. 

Free Gratis Thought for the WeeK: 

Every people must go to Adfintium. 

Buttoculous,Greek Festival Organizer, 

trans. By Lester Fleevernesto and Chip Monk

Purtneer 3, 2000

Humbiblical chord: when the bass player sings quiet unplugged harmony during a Jimi Hendrix guitar solo.

Aftermath: when you're too fucked up to even approximate. 

Buggurn: the inside of an outside light 

Myxsnyblyx: inability to comprehend one's own lack of ability to comprehend oneself. 

CounterFit: screaming at the short order cook before the short order cook screams at you. 

Cramdin: (1.) stuff that's squished into the small spaces between other stuff. (2.) religion with the most believers in the world. 

WonderBlow: what's left when you leave a loaf of white bread in the microwave on high for a year. 

Dogmatic: a person who acts like a dog automatically. 

Girl Heaven: where crying burns calories.

Free Gratis Thought for the Week: We eschew your footwear. 

Second Free Gratis Thought for the Week, Special now only $799. cash: That dog is so fetching. 

Vonember 48, 2000

Twabazzabah: noun. A bittersweet sensation which is only sensed on the undertongue. verb. Trying to describe this particular sensation with your tongue raised while a person you have a crush on is among those watching.

Tognacious: Them who can't resist playing with the automobile switches until they break.

Monomore': That particular amount of food left in the container which is really (and I'm talking about just you and me here) too small to share with your everlasting beloved so you just eat it.

Spokesperson: A blabbermouth whose head is nailed to a bicycle wheel.

Psychodiabetic: (1.) A brain made out of white sugar and warm vomit.
(2.) A person whose nasal cavity is filled with packets of brown sugar and sore gum.

Hetero Sapiens: The opposite of women. 

Free Gratis thought for week: We don't shun, we eschew.

Achtober 14, 2000

Quog: Ground brains. 

Quog: Ground brains, period. 

Quog: Ground brains, period. You idiot. 

Quog: Ground brains, period. You idiot. Gadammit. 

Quog: Ground brains, period. You idiot. Gadammit. Quog it. 

Omeewaukie 46, 2000

Lacrysteria: An emotive condition in which the victim is unable to determine whether the perpetrator is laughing or crying. 

Eucaniphobia: Fear that you're becoming a rabid dog and all its inherent difficulties.

Eucaniphoria: The blissful discovery that you are, after all, a rabid dog with the inherent difficulties and it's OK in an ass-biting, tail-chasing, arf arfing sort of way. Bark. 

Üublik: The antonym of being able to look a word up in the dictionary even though you totally cannot spell it.

Art Webster: The really lucky, neat-o hipster person who picks which words in the dictionary are really lucky neat-o hipster enough to illustrate. Like hedgehog. And A-Frame. Or Anus. As in major league. Big Time.

Talonted: The incredible skill enabling an otherwise undistinguished supervisor to hire a cashier wielding foot-long lacquered, curled fingernails and able to pick up a single thin dime and place it in your palm without any bloodshed. P.S. Half the time, the fingernails are painted like low riders. (props to Kay Stone) 

Scrubril 23, 2000

Queligible: that which warrants a reader's survey. Also, quibbling over that which is negligible. 

Pan-Sobination: the ability to cry, nay sob, on a moment's notice in front of anybody, in any coffee house, in any neighborhood in any reality. 

Adogorissimo: an overly hyper-enthused, hyper-thermal, hyper-hsysterical beast, esp. if it's your elder sibling with a dangerous tendency to be correct. 

Fantorthogated: Having one's imaginary ills cured by an imaginary vocabulary. 

BuommboussÈ: so ugly you have a frighteningly bizarre wild quasi-sexual magnetism, à la Lyle Lovett or Sandra Bernhardt or Joey Bishop. e.g. "Yeah, he had a club foot and drooled, but, you know, he was tres buommbousse…" 

Squiff: food that can't get stale 'cause it already is, e.g. Moon Pie, hardtack, biscotti, cat food, Tums, mole asses, or toe-foo.

Lorawrarary, 11th, Twentydoublenaught 

PsychoEmptorosis: The unfathomably vapid state of mind, a state devoid of any sense of consequence or regard for "one's own interests", a mental condition that would enable an otherwise "normal car buyer" to freely choose, and pay putrid piles of pig money for, like, a brand new Corvair, Chevette, Pacer, Vega, Maverick, or YouGo (ha-ha no you don't), or a 1984 Chevron Algonquin Skankfire Ltd.

Bushy: nounjectively. The surprisingly intelligent fear of debating subjects on which you know only that which can be absorbed during an average squat on the crapper while reading 1999's Abbreviated Reader's Digest Wrap Up, based on the certainty that your innermost essence has been revealed and that you have absoultely no toilet paper within like a 12 mile ulna. 

Rhuuvalzah: A yurt that is shaped like an outhouse that takes 5 damn years to build and as soon as the monstrosity is done everyone hates it and wishes they'd used the money to buy a really top drawer silk screen machine from England or a shovel.

Bisinkus transferus shatterum: The ancient Greco-Roman technique of harshly moving dirty dishes from one sink to the other (if you have an "other") in the expectation that a minor household deity will descend, grant one's wish to break the them all since wonton destruction is a lot more fun than washing the bastards. 
Doltish Quatrain, Naught

Hollogutt: 1) a collapsed state of being/non-being caused by completely and unwittingly accepting an invitation to have a campaign finance dinner with a couple of Bush/Cheney lower echelon campaign volunteers who brag unconditionally on how great they cook but always serve visually confusing cold cuts and oddly canned deli items from the nearby Family Buck Wild Free For All. Warm. (Misplaced modifier. So kill me, if you can find me or [or learn how to place it].) 2) that impropriety of a mature beer belly by which, no matter what part of the beer belly you look at or from or touch or which angle you look at it from or to, you can see the whole beer belly in three dimensions forever.

Twanaar 4, 4

Ohnobar: a cone whose ice cream just fell on the floor splatly and is slowly turning into stinking mess.

Myomygrain!!!: The exclamation of a farmer who gets a headache upon discovering that his barley field has been subsumed by a vast and elaborate crop circle.

?ŠJuqz3woqеz9-rtoozÜÜŒ‰ewzŒŒk: The pure crazy sounds of Ornette Coleman gettin down and crackin all the rules like so many pecan shells.

Muzzlefuzzle: It sounds like muthurfucker but surprisingly what it really means is, "May I substitute that for the spicy mustard?" (2.) The Zen practice of word processing in which, after typing each letter, you hit backspace.
Humdigger 0, 2000

Dowelism: A mildly observant religious philosophy developed in ancient China which derived from the delicate expensive and perfectly pure art of cramming a round peg into a square area.

Fruly, 57, 2000

Buggeroon: a one inch tall gorilla-shaped insect that plants a sandspur in your butt a nanosecond before you squat on a pleasantly firm rock in a national fucking forest. 

Auglly 35, 2000

Og: The beneficial outcome of a bone-headed blunder. Or, when the universal tendency formerly known as the Prince of Darkness fucks up and does good. [The inverse of Doh!]

Pleesil: A retching sound that becomes increasingly familiar with each passing retch.
July 21, 2000

Mongroanious: as, of, or pertaining to the bass clef groan emitted from a "Heinz 57 type" canine at the moment when said canine succumbs to the temptations of gravity and merges with the floor. Especially over 50 pounds. 

Grahth: a moving shadow.
July 14, 2000

Diagnyss: The lovely and talented Greek goddess of cutting corners. 

Vort: an erect Word of the Week that that was only known and used by the Essenes when they died. Verb or derogatory. No longer in use. They're fucking dead for chrissakes!

Holidace: The brutal stuffing your belly takes during holidays.

Jocuflat: In most polite societies: Shouldn't be funny but it is, such as: What happened to the guy who couldn't remember the next joke? ……He bled to death. Thanks for asking.
June 21, 1000

Scrizzle: Verbish. (Crotelian 14C "Bog you wish.") Thinking outside of the bag.

June 16, 2000

Mountreeologie: the study of the methodology the mountain climber employs to change the mountain, especially how it relates to the escarpment. 

Dysquikmathorq: a red-faced cross-eyed inventor who invents something horrible, such as quicksand, toll booths, impulse items, enemas, vengeful and uninformed gods, Vanity Fair magazine or dandruff especially when the seborrheic flakes are combined with any of the above or similar examples. 

2) the nearer of two quikmathorqs. As in, "Not datquikmathorq - dysquikmathorq." 
May 31, 2000

Loborotomo: All the endless little tasks you have to complete in your spare time in order to maintain official status as a "grown-up."

May 18, 2000

plegler: Household handheld device which determines the color of asphalt at a distance. As in, "Please pass the plegler before I qek the fucking shit out of you. If you know what I mean but you probably don't because it's just the way you are."
April 26, 2000

Qek: keQ spelled backwards. noun, but a very active, descriptive sort of un-nounly noun: whatever, who cares, I don't give a fucking shit. in a sentence: I don't give a fucking Qek, I've got a bolus working through me. 2) Australian rules football: if you get yer face squished inside twenty meters, you get a free Qek. 3) Irian Jayan wedding custom: cutting the Qek. 4) You know we could go on....
April 12, 2000

Opotamus: Fear of not being hip.

TÔfoid: The utterly rational hatred of soy milk, esp. when this position has been achieved vis a vis and via inductive reasoning. 

Quandette: The shape which "some" men imagine that the blue jeans of "the girl next door" assume when she removes them. 
April 3, 2000

Caralysis: the condition of traffic when a freight train or large beige rhino stops at a railroad crossing for what seems like a really long afternoon.

Smudgarees: dirty clothes that could be worn at least one more time before washing but not on a first date, a job interview or a daytime funeral. Virtually undetectable by a manly sense of smell. Usually worn by men. Always "smelled out" by women.

Insanity: When you can get there without any problem but can't figure out how to get back and it really fucks you up bad. (Not a real word. If you know what I mean.)

March 29, 2000

Shampoon: champagne with soap in it. 2) a faux fronch lampoon. 3) optional button on newer models of the 1947 Chevron Algonquin that were manufactured at plant #345 in Eudomon, Franzona. 

Cosmogrified: where you get spun around instead of spinning things around; the ethos has its way with you. 

Eudomon: A pithy greeting, esp. between male sports fans, to which the greeted fan typically replies, "No, how can I Bedomon when Eudomon!!" 

March 22, 2000

comption: you know what this means. 1) utter and complete, total understanding of absolutely nothing. 2) being like as. 3) a miniature screw that only Ken can use to fix Barbie's femur.

March 08, 2000

dwanair: a flimsy diaphanous undergarment worn for "effect" 

re+komspotulation: the process of cross+ventilating compost (in some cases, to see if it is ready yet…just for the fucking thrill of it)
February 17, 2000

Queschtohng: the final answer for which there is no question.

flet: a small un-compact utility closet filled with rare and exotic stuff that no one can ever remember, with good reason, but which exudes a strange perfume whenever violated. Noun.

February 10, 2000

Pigment: the color of a pig.

Phlabeezorrn: A sticky, peppermint-flavored adhesive used on a lint brush. 

Frak: Verb, imperative. 1.) Back to the front. 2.) In Norvag, Pardon my reindeer.

February 03, 002000

Menage a quatre: Four cats sharing an active case of mange.

PheePhiPhoPhophobia: 1. Phear of a giant answering the PHONE. 

Muenster: A scary Fronch meunster made of cheese. 

Eurology: An indiscriminate and lively study of the uses of the bidet. 

Mizzenmindencracken: 2. Losing the middle of one's mind. Or, finding the middle of one's mind, Hah-haaaaaaaah!

Parfacreez: (Combo-na/tion verb or noun or dejective known as a nerb.) A new technological innovation designed to make a life that is rich, fulfilling and brimming with love and good cheer even better. Also, an oleo spread served with mizzenmindencrackers. 
January 27, 2000

estraqularthonne: [Ester-kwalr-thong] Noun or other part of speek. (Fronch, 3rd Empire.) 1.) Dead wood, worthless heathen no good sumbitch. 2.) Defraggable. 3.) Bosnian for "you Fronch idiot." 4.) a cog, sort of.
January 20, 2000

Skench: a politician of the highest order. As in: George Dubya Bush, candidate for president, is a fucking skench.

larfencwik: a Swede who is quick to laugh at the misery of others, especially Norwegians. 

nasozephyrlaction: blowing milk softly out of one's nose, or another's. 
January 13, 2000

Vacluzzy: (fah-kloozy) Noun. The damp part. In a sentence: Don't try to dry my vacluzzy. Let the sodden vacluzzy lie. Touch your own damn vacluzzy. 

Pharmeneutin: (Farm in newton, fig) (1.) Something you can't quite see which is about to hit you in the head. (2.) A farm in Newton, Massachusetts. (3.) Obsolete: The quintessential horizontal essence of Paleolithic concepts. 
This word has never been used in a sentence, and we're not about to start now. Uh-oh, a vague but intense sense of pharmeneutin is setting upon my ……ouch!!
January 6, 2000

cryteria: a small shop in a trendy neighborhood that caters to the miserable. 

dogpound: the amount of energy required to feed your dog. 

clawstrophobic: fear of wearing gloves. 

hinkjollaswaze: a fine how do you do. as in: "Well, that was a fine hinkjollaswaze." or 2) an unwanted, gritty substance found in poorly made bratwurst
December 9, 1999

bocraggeous (bo - krajus) (what'dja think?) feeling of supreme dippiness. Like duh. Outright silliness to the point your friends can hardly stand you but that's fine.


For example: "Don't be so bocraggeous, it's my parents's dog." 

December 2, 1999

klixdiptic: the condition of the human body at the exact nanosecond between sweating and not sweating.

In a sentence:* It takes a very attentive person to notice that brief moment in time before they begin sweating especially during an arduous workout.

The word originates from a popular albeit obscure South American tribe, now since vanished, the Klixtecs. The Klixtecs lived in Pracuazil, a country that no longer exists and that no one has ever truly fixed to a particular "location". The tribal shamans were said to have enjoyed brief moments of serenity when they could mentally "capture" the moment between sweating and not sweating.

* But not this one. 

Thanks to John Madden...kudos john!! Love your new bus!!!
November 18, 1999

Scragulated: When the attention of the brain has the full electrical current of thoughts and daydreams running through it, making a single circuit of the entire consciousness mechanism, causing a temporal shift into the past, and of course eliminating the possibility of living in the present. 

Neuro-descragulator: Device used to disconnect the brains attention from daydreams and internal dialogue. Also known as "short circuit and discard". Highly useful, since EVERYTHING neural can be short circuited and discarded; with very salubrious results we might add. Neuro-descragulators are apparently not widely used though, since few individuals find the device interesting or want to take the time to learn its use, no matter how much suffering the device can alleviate.

Note: It is rumored that reading all the Archived News Items backwards functionally descragulates any neuro you got. Keep it under yer hat.

thanks to Matt Gethins, if that's your real name.....

November 3, 1999

Nostrildomus: Christian mystic who could predict, in a group of supplicants, the next sneeze.

quazy: adjective. [Root claze, ancient tromboninium, Middle Persian for I lost my big big nose.]   (1.) a vague sense of uneasiness tempered by a moment of total insanity.   (2.) the state of delusional slothfulness. 

October 28, 1999

This word doesn't mean anything and can be used anywhere in any context 

The meaning of his aberrant behavioral delaquintamite was not lost on those who delaquintamited with a considerable degree of delaquintamitousnessly.

October 21, 1999

Sternutation is the act of sneezing, and a single sneeze can also be  
called a sternutation.  Example: "One of the most satisfying 
experiences one can experience is complete surrender to an enormous 
You might think that someone who sneezes is a sternutator, but  
actually a sternutator [n. STUR-nyuh-tay-ter] is a substance such as  
pepper that causes sternutation.  Such a substance can be described  
as sternutatory [adj. stur-NYOO-tuh-tor-ee].  Strangely, the  
seemingly logical verb sternutate is not listed in any reference we  
can find. 

All of these words came originally from the Latin sternuere (to  
sneeze), through Middle English sternutacioun (sneezing).  
Sternutation contains all the vowels a,e,i,o, and u, although they do  
not appear in order.

October 14, 1999 


[n. OL-ee]  

If you are a skateboarder, you probably know what an ollie is.  You  
crouch down, then suddenly push down hard behind the rear wheels,  
while lifting the front foot.  The skateboard flies up off the  
ground, seemingly glued to your feet, and you and the board can jump  
over barriers like curbs, benches, or railings. 

The ollie is probably the best known modern skateboarding trick. It  
was invented in the late 1970s by Alan "Ollie" Gelfand, a  
Florida skateboarder. 

Modern skateboarding has generated many new words, including these: 

Caballerial: full turn on a ramp while riding fakie (after Steve  
carve: to skate in a long arc  
fakie: riding with the board reversed (backwards)  
goofyfoot: riding with the left foot forward  
half pipe: U-shaped ramp for skateboarding tricks  
mongo-foot: pushing with the front foot  
nollie: an ollie started by pushing down on the front of the board

September 30, 1999

Noun: the essence or essential quality of a thing,  
comprehending both the substance and the qualities; 
that which distinguishes a thing from others 
and makes it what it is 
(if you know what I mean) 

So, it clearly follows that the quiddity of a 1939 Chevron Algonquin resides in 
the leather piping of the rumble seat, the chrome surface of the doughnut holder, 
the useless buttons on the V8-track-tape-deck, and the brim of Capone's fedora in the 
rear-view mirror. 

Thanks to Shunya, the doll with the dahl (Dahl: (sp?) legume based delicious Indian dish. Made even 
more piquant when cooked and served by an Indian dish. Ya shoulda been there. Shouldnya?)

September 23, 1999

A rhetorical inversion of the second of two parallel structures. 
 [New Latin, from Greek khiasmos, syntactic inversion, from khiazein, to 
invert or mark with an X.]

    "As a literary and rhetorical device, chiasmus has woven itself into the 
    fabric of human life. The greatest speeches of all time would be weaker 
   without chiasmus. What other words could JFK have used to rival his   famous `Ask not what your country can do for you' line." 

     Our advice is:  Never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you. 

thanks to our faithful, personal pathologist, K. Stone

September 16, 1999
brummagem [n., adj. BRUM-uh-jum] 
If something is brummagem then it is a cheap and showy imitation, 
lacking real value.  The word is usually applied to phony jewelry or 
shiny metallic items.  Example: "Those glittery earrings of glass and 
tinfoil are nothing but worthless brummagem."

This slang word is an alteration of the name of Birmingham, England, 
and is also pronounced the same way that some locals pronounce the 
city's name.  The Romans called the place Bremenium [bruh-MEN-ee-um].

This word has a dark, little known history.  In the sixteenth century, 
Great Britain took part in a thriving slave trade, in which cheap, 
poorly made trinkets were traded for slaves in Africa.  Birmingham 
was a center for the production of this gaudy garbage or "Brummagem 
ware," which included shiny jewelry, mirrors, beads and knives.

September 9, 1999


Pertaining to a teaching method which encourages 
students to learn for they own selves

September 2, 1999


In architecture: the almost imperceptible convex swelling 
in the shaft of a column

August 19, 1999


To pledge to a creditor in security for some debt or demand, but without transfer of title or delivery of possession. (2) to put in pawn; to pledge 

Our sentence-- We hypothecate the value of this here word to our friend Shunya.

August 12, 1999


Palomancy: reading the future from the sprawled body of a pal (can't be just any pal, but a real pal), after you've laid him out on the pavement with a right cross. 

August 5, 1999
And the Word is (was):


folded like a fan

our comment:  It is very difficult to use plicate in a sentence, eh what ?

second attempt: His (or her) fan was folded like a plicate. 

Or literally--Her (or his) fan was folded like a folded like a fan.

One more try, folks: 
The old fan was an ex-plicate. 
The plicate was implicit though without implication.

July 28, 1999 
It's just what it sounds like. Webster's:  A small piece of shiny metal. Small pieces or splinters; fragments. As in "it broke into flinders".
So what? We broke into Flinder's last week, searching for holistic adages, and found only a flinders of flounder.
Still, its a good word.
Do you hate us yet? 

We're fairly relentless... up to this point... ouch...

July 21, 1999 

Anyway, as we were saying, here's TheWord ................ 
noun.  disturbance  of the regular and usually elliptic course of  
motion of a celestial body that is produced by some force additional  
to that which causes its regular motion.

Check it out:

"A NUCLEAR accelerator designed to replicate the Big 
Bang is under investigation by international physicists 
because of fears that it might cause "perturbations" of 
the universe" that could destroy the Earth. One theory 
even suggests that it could create a black hole." 

and the word was good.
no, the word was PERTURBATION.


The Words (of last week)when there were words (plural)
eche: to increase or enlarge

jardiniere:  a pot or stand for flowers and plants

etsequens:  and the following  invidual or thing.

sea squirt: an ascidian

ascidian:  marine animals having a leathery sac, such as, a sea squirt or tunicate (you idiot)

partipris:  an opinion formed before hand.  a foregone conclusion 

From Peter Richards:
Echeing ones angle of perspective from the glass tank of ascidian or sea squirt etsequens, the jardiniere is partipris. 

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