Item:Man sows wild oat, pays small price of outpatient surgery. Hank Ruud, 17, of Uummannan,
Kalaallit Nunaat, where the mean temperature is a mean 15 below zero (Fahrenheit,
not Celsius nor Kelvin nor metric nor any other egghead bullshit temperature),
drank several frothy adult beverages, stripped buck naked, stole a snowmobile,
drove at speeds deemed unsafe by the local authorities, had wild, unrepentant
sex (he says), drank a
pint of sweet gooey green stuff (contents unknown) rolled wildly in an unfettered
manner in the snow, had a grand mal seizure, dry humped a discarded overcoat,
sang, twirled, jumped and hollered in a language so primal, so feral that
glaciers spontaneously calved in perfect symmetry and vast herds of nomadic
elk were moved to perform unspeakable acts with heavy yellow equipment donated
by tango-possessed Finns. After the oat was sown, Mr. Rudd, spent a short afternoon in elective outpatient surgery to wipe the smile off his face.
