waitress from heaven

yes! I'm ready to order . . .

i’ll have the grapes and wine special

with some sleep and a cool pillow

an aloe-and-sunburn aperitif

for dessert i’ll have an island

with palm trees and sand

for my entrée please give me a line

that’ll work on you

and i’ll take that line to go

to go with you after dinner

yes everything is divine

no i don’t want the bill

just give me some wings

and a ride on the sky

  

Barely Used Fragments of Conversation

Now Available for Re-Uptake

• Well, what if you can't find in Epicureanism what you find in Stoicism?

• The term "dead end" really brings me down.

• Just because she apologized doesn't mean I have to.

• Does that mean you'd like to go back to the barter system?

• You're invisible now. You don't need a passport.

• There are never apples in that apple tree.

• So you think he was the next Jesus?

• How do you speak for a generation that has nothing to say?

• Don't say I never warned you about watermelon.

• You hafta have a sense of humor about bankruptcy and death.

• Not all Swiss cheese has holes, and not all of it is Swiss.

• Just because you hafta ask doesn't mean you should ask.

• Two left turns do not make a right, but three do.

• You don't smell like you look.

• It's a lot easier to mix liquids together than it is to mix them apart. 

3 Remotes, One video

Road to Nowhere Not a Dead End

Road to nowhere is not a dead end. Scientists at Huffakers University in Huffakers, NV have discovered that the road to nowhere is not a dead end but is actually a vast array of a somewhat bluish vagueness. Dr. Kevin Riddle, physicist at Huffakers U., checked out his departments Chevron Algonguin Stevedore 8 cylinder, fuel injected duo jet carburetor  hyperbolic test vehicle and went further down the road to nowhere than anyone has gone previously. States Riddle, "I rounded a curve and up ahead I see a bluish vagueness instead of the nothingness that I was seeing before. The nothingness gave way to the vague bluishness and there it was and it was vague and blue so I just stopped and took it all in. I made note of it, drove toward it but it didn't look like I was getting closer so I just wheeled the Algonguin around came back to some hereness and nowness. As a physicist you don't want to hang around the vague too long.  Dig it?"

News of the Week

Item: General Motors to market "faith based" internal combustion engines. Following its hostile yet weirdly rapturous takeover by the Vatican, GM has announced plans to introduce a new line of bloatmobiles powered by what company promotional literature terms "the awesome force generated by clean living, tight jockey underwear and The Holy Ghost". Substituting the holy spirit for petrol, these new cars promise to revolutionize transportation as we know it. As GM spokesperson Sister Ignitius Magillicutty put it, "You may think you're on route 24 to Poughkeepsie, but you're actually on the High Occupancy Vehicle lane to heaven!" Responding to accusations that the new vehicles were nothing more than a bunch of hot air, Sister Ignitius was quick to point out the virtual pseudoscience behind the new design: as the driver settles behind the wheel, nerve induction sensors imbedded in the genuine leatherette upholstery penetrate the driver's fleshy posterior and measure the impurity levels vs. the spiritual force flowing through the driver's cerebro-anal fluid and utilizes a special alchemical formula to circulate the "holy nectar" throughout the car's hydraulic and combustatory mechanisms. In effect, the holier you are, the faster you go. Said Hector Thibadoux of Flatline, Loosiana, one of the twelve blessed winners of the "Pray Today, Pay Much Later" lottery, upon receipt of the prototype Holy Roller demo model, "Well, truth to tell, I haven't been able to get it out of the driveway on account of my moral turpitude, so yesterday I gave up likker and armed robbery so hopefully I'll be able to take her for a downhill spin come Sunday. That is, if I don't go on a tri-bayou murderin' rampage first." Ex-President George Bush applauded the company's efforts to "raise the depth of the average commuter's stigmata", but that was before he figured out that the new cars didn't need no high quality Texas grade crude petroleum.