A Big Day for Whirled HeadQuarters Headline News.
Critical Facts Still Unconfirmed at Press Time!
Item: Supreme Court
of Bermuda Shorts will hear suit over garment-activated penis reduction therapy.
Item: Personal
Flotation Device to be replaced by impersonal non-flotation sponge.
Item: Voted least
popular new beverage this year is The Water Bill, consisting of a glass of
water, served chilled, with a frame-ready pay-now tab of Five Dollars.
Item: Jellyfish are
in a jam.
Item: New
Testament's red heifer deemed a red herring.
Item: The Homonym of
the Year Award goes to holy, holey,
wholly. Congratulations, words!
Item: Serge Piquerre, noted cineaste, pens scathing review of movie that doesn't exist: "March in Potato World."
