Whirled HeadQuarters invites you to participate in any and all events in the forthcoming whirled premiere of The Zen Olympics. The events will take place in cosmic time and universal space. Each event will be commence in silence and will conclude with a palpable bong.

   The Zen Olympics

• Creek Sitting
• Sprawling
• Eyebrow Plucking
• Deleting Photos
• Wishful Thinking
• Cancelling Reservations
• Wading
• Loitering
• Bullshitting
• Breaking & Entering
• Spitting
• Breast Pumping
• Imitating
• Wondering
• Sweating
• Masticating
• Procrastinating
• Defensive Driving

News of the Week

Item: "Down with Communist Party!" Fateful words spoken by a Chinese man on the internet and before you could say, "Down with the Communist Party," the man was arrested, tried, and sentenced to two years hard labor in a "dot-commie" re-education center for uttering the awful truth. The man, Jiang Shihua, stated in court that what he really meant was, "The Communist Party GETS Down! I can see how someone might be confused, but the Party knows how to Par-tay, sho nuff". Shihua, a sexual intercourse instructor at Nanchong high school, had joined an online digital intercourse chat room when he wrote the fucking phrase. After his arrest and mandatory post arrest flogging by a member of the public safety collective, Nanchong schools were ordered in December to start a vigorous ideological de-programming/re-programming campaign for faculty and students alike, according to a surprisingly scantily clad school spokeswoman. The spokeswoman also stated, "I really do like the ideological de-programming /re-programming campaign. It helps to replace flawed cognition. Plus ideological de-programming /re-programming is so fun. You get to stand in the sun for weeks with hundreds of thousands of fellow citizens waving tremendous red flags and sing and chant great rhythmic ideological phrases like, 'citizen agricultural programs are planting cereal crops for a strong and vigorous nation to consume heartily on its predestined path towards gastro-intestinal dominance!' Would you like to hear another?"