What happens when the moon explodes?

I step on the front porch
and innocently look up
at the full moon
there is a slight tremor
in my eyes? or is it out there?
suddenly the moon fractures
erupts, explodes
in real time
but it looks slow motion
I’m watching live
the full moon, stark orb, dark black sky
hanging , a fusillade of  blue flames
swirling like a holy ghost
around the cratered circle

the moon flys apart,
the sea of tranquility
blasted out of a billion years of complacency
lunar crumbs flaring like matchheads
sputtering orange into the black night

so exciting
and I’m watching live
better than Superbowl III
I could have been caught napping
but instead
I’ve been picked
in all of cosmic history
to watch
the moon
shatter
so sexy and slow

after the celestial striptease
I figure, well, that was a blast
sure i’ll miss the moon
but life goes on
i’ve got work to do

but who knew
the hangover would spiral to hell?
next Thursday
is only ten hours long
because
the moon let go its reins
and the earth, me included
spin faster
galloping
around my goddam axis

on Friday
an hour
lasts nineteen minutes
and the tides don’t come in
or go out
the beach is a puddle
the wind is blowing extremely fast
dogs love it
then they go mad
howling
for the moon

because there’s no moon
no half moon
no harvest moon
no gibbous moon
no crescent moon
no moon
to cradle
the time

        Cut the Chuckles

hey
you there,
yeah you
you know who you are
there in the back
yes, you
you, the one who's chuckling back there
do you want to tell us
exactly
what is so funny?

(long pause)
you know, that's funny
not what you said
because you didn't say anything
what's funny is
there are two types of people in the world
one is the type that divides everything into two types
and the other type is funny
and you're not
either one
that's funny
but I digress
you there,
yeah you
you know who you are
all I was saying is simply this:
cut the chuckles

but look, if you absolutely must chuckle
then chuckle in German

thong soap

just add water

and apply liberally

right there
enjoy the festive feeling

enjoy the special sensation

rinse at your leisure

     or the day after tomorrow

is it soap?
or is it a thong? 

put it on in the morning
it's gone in the afternoon

 by nightfall you know one thing- - -
your ass is sooo clean