An Even Newer Deal

I loved the new deal
the old school new deal
the ballsy and brassy new deal
the fuck the depression new deal
the one that paid you to take photographs

to make a dam
to tell stories
to lay some goddam pipe
and now it's a new day
in a new millennium
and we need

nay, we demand, a brand-new deal-of-a-deal
a succulent tax-free-fact-free-guilt-free-for-all doozy whopper of a d e a l
a better newer maxed-out whacked-out white whale of a freaking deal
a happy deal with bells and whistles and chrome and sugar and magic mushrooms
a plumptastic islamo-judeo-christo-tao-shinto-bhuddeo
immaculate juicy tantric consummation of a d e a l

Rick Wagoner Goes to Washington DC

hitch-hiking on the pennsylvania turnpike,
a GM Chevron Algonquin Stevedore Hybrid Suplex
flops to a stall right where my thumb stands tall

thanks, I said, where ya' heading?
as we silently merged into mad traffic
washington, d.c. he said
meeting with some fuckheads
in a giant room
with some shitbirds
and a gaggle of dickwads
and you know the kicker? he said

no - what's the kicker? I said

the kicker is I'm driving there making 10 mil a year
and when I drive back
I'll be making one stinking buckito per annum

the Pennsylvania countryside rushes by
hills and trees and cows and amish
all see-saw on green landscapes
the Chevron Algonquin Super Sport de Ville Stevedore Hybrid Suplex
hurtles down the highway like a turbocharged mosquito on steroids

I stare at the funky, beige faux leathereen dashboard
you're like the president
of general fucking motors, right?
and he says yeah, I am, man

I gotta tellya, Mr. Wagoner, I say
I used to drool over the grooved metal stallions
galloping off your assembly lines
the idle of a small block V8 was the sound of life and lust

I gotta tell ya', Rick
you had a fine company
your people loved to ride
your people were pro-motion
so what happened, Rick?

Rick adjusted the rear view
so he could look himself in the eye, and opined
the spread sheet power point guys took over
they liked calculators better than cars
they fucked it all up with their fancy numbers

you hate this car, don't you Rick?
you hate the bumpy vinyl
and the not made for human hands
the cranky sloppy gearshift lever
and the aluminum pushrods and crazy chromium camshaft
the ache in your curved back
the seat belts digs into your shoulder
what is that about?

Rick surprised me
he didn't scream or shout
didn't kick me out
he just said
yeah, I hate it
I really hate it