Construction superintendent fucks up idiot-proof timesheet. According to Buzz Sawyer, owner of Quando Quando Condo Inc., “We made it so any idiot could do it. On the left side of the goddam time sheet is the day of the week, and across the goddam top is the address of the job. All you gotta do is take two perpendicular fingers and run’em down the row and across the column till they meet up in a nice little empty box. And that’s where you put in the hours. It’s simple-ified, right? You just hafta think “inside the box”, right? You don’t have to speak English, you don’t have to engage in abstract thought, you just hafta find the right box and write down how long you, oh never mind. . . We paid a lot of money for this level of simplicty. . . ”

Apparently, the job superintendent, one Horton Maples, the very person in charge of filling in the time sheet for others who were in fact unable to speak English, managed to royally fuck up the entire timesheet so badly that not even the crusty Maples himself could decipher the apparently random numerals, chicken scratches and other perhaps Navajo-type or Sumerian symbols he himself had inflicted on the body and margins of the timesheet. Maples pointed out that otherwise, things seemed to be going pretty well, but Maples was forced to admit when pressed by Mr. Sawyer (the owner) that IF the workers were NOT paid in a timely manner due to a royally FUCKED UP time sheet, perhaps “THINGS” would come to a RAPID HALT, which would benefit none, least of whom his own self.

Our reporters indicated that at press time, Maples was grappling with a scratch-n-sniff LotsaLuck Big Three Blotto ticket.