Rich people have spaghetti-o's for dinner while pet pugs lick each other's asses. According the baby sitter, Babs Knox, Horace and Delores Rockefeller could have had anything in the world for dinner: fresh lobster flown in from lobsterland; caviar from caviarland or some really good smelly cheese from France. But no, Horace and Delores just opened up a can of crap that their babysitter wouldn't touch even if you paid her. And yes, while the rich people were eating this crap out of a can, their pet pugs licked each other's asses.

Free electrons thing of past. Physical physicists, as opposed to mere theoretical physicists, have determined that what’s "fucking everything up" is that we have enslaved too many electrons. “Before Edison, electrons could zip around from atom to atom, according to their supernal preferences,” propounded Clik Munderheim of Cal Tech. “But now, quizillions of electrons are stuck in chip circuits, beef fat and marital aides, such as the Hitachi 500 Bull Jackrabbit. It’s just so sad. Isn't it?” Munderheim explained that a new tax on electrons would fund a program to pay for free electrons. He thinks this would really un-fuck things up.

President’s daughter caught masticating in public. Jenna Bush, who could have gone anywhere in the world on her spring break from Yale, chose to stay on campus, drink beer and chew with her mouth open. Observers, who wish to remain unnamed because Jenna’s daddy is dictator of the free world, indicated that the younger Bush particularly resembled the President when stuffing her face with French Fries and foie gras and playing “Show and Tell” with the Secret Service agents hovering in the shadows.

the laws of thermodynamics, applied:

first law: energy can’t sit still
second law: free time is somebody else's work
third law: it’s cool to make heat
objective conclusion: energy can’t be lost or found
subjective conclusion: yes it can
corollary: it stings a little

hot stuff becomes cold stuff quickly
inside space there is a molten chamber
and a one time
one word
one pass word to enter
it is recognized
or re-codified
in the heat of the moment

where does heat go?
heat lost on pluto
pauses briefly in your kitchen
to fry your onions
your sweet chipolte peppers
on the front left burner
before continuing on its way
to expand a universe
just dying to cool down

friction
fiction
cold hard facts
hot romance novels
life is like an ocean
icebergs and thermal vents
might sting a little
and sharpen the senses

. . . the laws of thermodynamics, applied


by the boy poets riding thermals

Small things have a disproportionately large effect, according to government study. “Small things affect big things a lot more than big things affect the small. Or is that effect?” inquired Dr. Bruno Yasski of NASA. “For example, mountain ranges,” gesticulated the nervous Yasski. “Mountain ranges, which are pretty damn big, rarely shut down the international banking system, but computer chips often do. And those chips are quite small,” spluttered Yasski.

This just in from our literary criticism department: The good thing about fiction is it's a lot more believeable than the alternative.

Accountant disturbed by expanding universe. No other details available at press time.

Cat claims ninth area of man's home exclusively hers for napping. Bijou, a prominent Atlanta, Georgia cat, in the home she shares with Moe Nuffy, a human being, today laid claim to the green wool blanket atop the northernmost cushion on the living room sofa. Bijou staked out the area at 6:13 P.M. today and remained ensconced there throughout the eveing, impervious to the carefully reasoned arguments by Nuffy that he was left with only three sitting areas in the household--none of them cushioned, compared to nine for Bijou--all of them cushioned. At long last, growing weary of Nuffy's repetitious whining, Bijou stated flatly that the ratio of seating area distribution obviously and accurately reflected the respective hours of sleep logged daily by the two members of the household.

High Alert: Department of Homeland Security declares that most people employed by the US government are "High". States Tom Ridge, Secretary of the Dept of Homeland Security, "About 12 people in the CDC in Atlanta ( CDC employee, Chief of Toxicology, Biff Glenn, in photo on left uses beaker-bong to get "High" ) lit a sizable "bong" in the beaker washer room and that was enough to put the total number of government employees who are "High" over 50%. I think the alert color for "High" is orange or red-orange, isn't it? Very pretty and look at the trails!"