World slants to the left but just a little bit

World slants to the left but just a little bit
by Calvin Burgamy

It Does Nothing

click on picture for more detail

Recent vacationers, Tim & Marva Klanghorn, noticed the bathroom shower instructions at Gulf Springs Eternal Motel as being both informative as well as useful with effective, pointed, and crystal clear instructions on the use of the shower hardware.  "Don't Touch",  "Leave as it. It does nothing." And also the barbed cautionary review of one of Home Depot's staple bathroom accoutrements by  Glacier Bay: "Never buy a Glacier Bay set from Home Depot! Thank you!" A stern contraindication against the use of a device the owners found wanting. Of course Gulf Springs Eternal Motel owners could have returned the item to Home Depot and received another brand in return but they chose the route of consumer activism which may in the long run cause Home Depot and Glacier Bay to reconsider the quality of their merchandise. Hip, Hip!

The Last Telegram

Waking up. STOP.

Putting on slippers. STOP.

Making coffee. STOP.

Looking for newspaper. STOP.

Found newspaper. STOP.

Drinking coffee. STOP.

Head hurts. STOP.

Head really hurts. STOP.

Trouble breathing. STOP.

Where is Heimlich? STOP.

Feeling better. STOP.

Call off Heimlich. STOP.

Two eggs over medium. STOP.

That’s better. STOP.

Turning on TV. STOP.

Oh, fuck! STOP.

Head hurts. STOP.

Stop. STOP.

Turning off TV. STOP.

That’s better. STOP.

Going for walk. STOP.

Love the weather. STOP.

Write if you get work. STOP.

The World Just Below

The World Just Below by Calvin Burgamy

an american tragedy (from the headlines)

over 100 patients potentially infected 

obama counters violent extremists 

with extremists

giuliani: obama doesn't love america 

vanilla ice released from custody

bruins reach new rock bottom

another star in the solar system 

when humans first spread from africa
space to grow

the end of the magna carta impulse problem or magnageddon

the magna carta, baby
blowing the lid off
the divine right of kings
the way magma 
blows the head off a volcano
act on the artistic impulse
impulsively
fastly quickly
just make something up
shoot the moving target
from the hip
but there was a problem
we shoulda looked at the map
first
the end of the world 
could be a lot of fun 
if you would just let it
let it happen

Dasani DissClaimer verbatim from Coca Cola

Dasani Dissclaimer from Calvin Burgamy 

In the Know

now i am an expert

a cognoscente connoiseur

a smooth sommelier

i have tasted wines

in california

i liked all of them

Tera Walks Away by Calvin Burgamy

A Few New Words

Styloon: Upset because women spend so much on clothes and you just want to see them naked, plus you could use the money.

Birfrite: The problem of having parents.

Flossofy: When the only thing you believe in is oral hygeiene.

Decreamate: Threatening strangers that you're gonna cut em outa your will.

Dainjel: A patron satan.

Noquant: Measuring stuff that can't be measured, like cheeses and haiku.

Dollnar: Making up new words instead of making money.