Item: Ice Machine Kills Witnit Neo-Fascist. Dwight ("just call me D-Wite!") White, senior
assistant Grand Omnikludd of the Super Duper "No, WE Da Man" White Peep's Party was killed last night
in a chilling yet oddly cool act of karmic retribution. After fishing a frosty crank-sized Mountain Dooby Dooyoo out
of the soda machine in the parking lot "concession area" of the Yellow Liver River
Motel with his special "thing on a string" lucky one-sided coin, Dwight dismissively depressed
the dispensing lever on the adjoining Absolutely Free & Absolutely All White Ice machine
which promptly ejected a high velocity ice cold nugget of truth and justice right between
the cross-hairs of his creamy white & knotty ass. According to witness Mayrene Magillicutty, who happened to be looking for her teeth under the rear axle of her man's souped up Pussy Vanagon, White then keeled over and
gasped, "This has absolutely no relation to my supreme belief that white people
have a super manlified overlordian dive-in-the-shallow-end gene pool that super seeds all other bro-races. Anybody of any pigment
could get killed by an ice machine." Whereupon he lost what was left of his color and promptly quit breathing. Another Dwight White, the very black
and very bulky former member of the Pittsburgh Steeler's famed Iron Curtain
defense, sequestered across town in the offices of his leopard-skinned tanning salon, chuckled and knowingly adjusted his red felt beret as an opaque
forewarning of the coming darkness (a darkness that would be omnipresent
save for the ubiquitous light).
